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DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU LIVE IN THE BEST SPORTS TOWN?!

philly-skylineWell, besides what we are quickly realizing, which is everyone in this city can rally behind a group of thirteen-year olds playing their heart out in a tournament that has never had a team play from the “215!” The type of support you are seeing is honestly incredible, but also BELIEVABLE!!  Because we ARE Philly and we ARE mutts.  But as Bill Murray would quote in the movie “Stripes,” “there’s no animal that’s more faithful, that’s more loyal, more loveable than the mutt!”  YES, we are mutts, but we LOVE our teams and there is none more faithful or loyal!  To great pains I may add!

 

In the spirit of the Taney Dragons, I thought I would give you a fantastic breakdown of WHY the City of Brotherly Love is also the City of The Best Sports in the WORLD!!!  Yes, I said world!

 

Check this out…

 

  • Boston – All four major sports.  One of the closest contenders.  However, football is played in Foxborough!  Sorry Boston, you lose!
  • New York – All four major sports but you divide up your fan base with too many choices!  Rangers or Islanders?  Nets or Knicks?  Yankees or Mets (lol, well sorta…if you consider the Mets a team)?  And Jets or Giants?  BUT, both of your football teams play in Jersey and co-exist in the same stadium.  It’s kind of like your brother and sister sleeping together!  Sure, maybe there isn’t enough room in the house, but it’s still just wrong!
  • Baltimore – No hockey, no basketball!  Great baseball and football town, but our neighbors to the South come up a little short.
  • Washington D.C. – Just stop right there.  I can tell you everything wrong with this fucking town, but you already know.  And their fans are just like their bottom dwellers in office…They’re only fans when it has some political value, not just because they love their team.  Every one of you can go straight to hell.
  • Charlotte – No baseball…By virtue of geography, you’re Braves fans.  Sorry!
  • Atlanta – Thrashers?  Ehhh…Hawks?  No one cares.  Falcons fans are nuts but it doesn’t make up for the fact that the Braves couldn’t sell out a game even when they were good.  Now there are about as many fans there as there are at Citi Field!  Atlanta comes up short too!
  • Jacksonville – Don’t even.
  • Tampa – Ugghhhh, but stop.  Do you know the Buccaneers hold 5,000 seats even when they are good, to sell to the opposing team’s fans?!  Thought you might like to know that.  Lightning?  $7 seats for the Championship series a decade ago!  Baseball team plays in a bubble, a shitty bubble for that matter, in St. Petersburg…Anyone want to know why their attendance sucks?!  Ever try to drive from Tampa to St. Pete, ESPECIALLY during rush hour?!  Yeah, sorry Tampa!
  • Miami – Well, after living there for five years, I know, there are more Philadelphia fans down there than there are of ANY team they have including that fucking fraud organization, the Heat!  Their hockey games are played an hour away and no one wants to go there because you can’t get drunk with the drive you have afterwards.  They couldn’t even draw crowds with that obnoxious prick Ozzie Guillen at the wheel of the ship!  And that entire town is Latin!  Chalk Miami off the list!
  • New Orleans – Sliding a little west, great football town but only for about eight years now.  No hockey, no baseball, and their menacing basketball franchise with an even edgier name, the PELICANS, comes up a little short.  “WHO DAT…WHO DAT…WHO DAT COMING IN LAST PLACE?!
  • Nashville – GREAT CITY…Shitty sports town.  Your basketball team is in Memphis and your baseball team, yeah, none.
  • Pittsburgh – You don’t have a basketball team because you aren’t allowed a reason to have anymore HANUS looking female fans!
  • Cleveland – Well, we all know this city sucks let alone their fans.  Hockey in Columbus, so, sorry, you don’t make this list.
  • Cincinnati – Same applies…No basketball either.  Would rather die than live there.
  • Indianapolis – Have fun on September 13th because I’m really glad we didn’t have to run a trip there for the Eagles/Colts game.  They have no concept of what it’s like to be a sports town.
  • Detroit – Might give us a run for our money if the people that could afford to go to games actually left the comfort of their homes/forts for fear of the PURGE that takes place 24/7 in this bastille of complete shit!!
  • Chicago – Without question our closest competition when it comes to fans, BUT, by virtue of a technicality, they come up short.  What is it?  You divide the city with two baseball teams!  Sorry, but that takes you from being at the top of the list even with the storied franchises (which are really only the Bulls).  Plus, a championship was never ruined for us by one of our OWN fans!  Yours was too fucking stupid to realize he was sitting on the rail during THE most important game in Cubs’ history!  If you don’t believe me, ask Moises!  That alone knocks you off the top spot.
  • ANY CANADIAN CITY – NO…The CFL ruins any of you especially one named after a cheap, convenience store display condom that rips your dick to shreds if you’re ever forced to use it as a last resort, safe-sex tool!
  • Milwaukee – No.
  • Green Bay – Stop.  Plus Mayor Schmitt is a jitbag.  I could go into this and will at some point, but not today.
  • Minneapolis – No.
  • St. Louis – Love their Rams!  Love their Blues!  LOVE THEIR CARDINALS!  They also LOVE their basketball team, the…Ummm…Wait…that’s right.  You don’t have one.  The “Spirits” don’t count!
  • Des Moines – Haha.
  • Kansas City – If you had a chance, you’ll find your life blood drained after a few more seasons with fat-ass coaching your football team!
  • Houston – Astros, no.  Texans/Oilers, no.  Rockets, no.  And no hockey team.
  • Dallas – LMAO…Go. Fuck. Yourselves.  Seriously, most people in Dallas AREN’T Cowboys fans!  They can’t even sell out their stadium!  Sorry, but you’re all FRAUDS!
  • San Antonio – No.  Sorry, great basketball, but nothing else.
  • Oklahoma City – No.
  • Denver – All four sports…Could be a good one but there are only ever fifteen people at a Rockies game.  I know.  Been there.  Sorry, no.
  • Phoenix – All four teams…Not enough of a fan base for any of them because everyone there is from somewhere else.  Sorry, no.
  • Salt Lake City – Haha, Mormons make me laugh.
  • Seattle – Dedicated fans but lost their basketball team, no hockey team, and a Super Bowl victory only momentarily slowed down the suicide rate.  No.
  • Portland – No.
  • San Francisco – HELL NO!  Football games are only for rival gangs to square off!  Hockey team is in San Jose along WITH your football team now.  Giants’ fans are only there if they’re playing well.  No basketball team.
  • Oakland – The Black Hole?  Yeah, all one-thousand Raiders fans reside there.  Golden State?  Stop.  The A’s?  Actually rooting for them but this does not qualify you as the best sports city in the world!
  • Sacramento – No.
  • Los Angeles – Lol, yeah right.
  • San Diego – No.

So there you have it.  Every reason why, even with four or five teams that do have all four major sports, we still come out ahead.  Add to that, our professional MLS team, the Union, and that should about do it.  But the real cherry on top…The straw that breaks it for everyone else…That comes in the form of the following:

  • Villanova
  • Temple
  • St. Joe’s
  • La Salle
  • Drexel
  • Penn

These are SIX schools that have respectable basketball teams and FIVE have a zip code in the “215!”  If you can’t find something to get behind in this town, then you obviously haven’t been to Woody’s or your self-proclaimed love of sports needs a PED boost!

 

Even when times are tough people, know you live in the BEST SPORTS TOWN IN THE WORLD!!  I wouldn’t trade it for any of them!

 

GO TANEY DRAGONS!!

 

 

-Quimby and the rest of The Green Legion


Aug 19, 2014 | Category: Sports | Comments: none

 

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